Sex toys: a complete user guide for beginners and experienced users

1. Sex toys: what they (really) are and what they aren't

Sex toys are sometimes associated with something "vulgar," "reserved for the very experienced," or "a sign that there's a problem." In reality, they are simply tools for pleasure , at the service of your body and your relationship.

1.1. The main categories of sex toys

Without going into an endless catalogue, here are some main categories (which you can find in our “All Sex Toys” collection):

• External vibrators : primarily for stimulating the external parts of the body (vulva, clitoris, penis, nipples, perineum, etc.). Often a good starting point. You'll find them in the vibrator collection.
• Internal sex toys : objects designed for vaginal or anal penetration (with a flared base for the anus). Intended for people comfortable with the idea of ​​penetration (see, for example, internal vibrators or anal plugs & sex toys ).
• Targeted stimulators : for example for the clitoris, glans, frenulum… with more precise shapes, as in the clitoral stimulators collection.
• Vibrating rings & couple accessories : to be used during intercourse to add a vibrating or playful dimension (see vibrating rings and sex toys for couples ).
• Massage tools (wand type, massagers): perfect for both the whole body and for certain erogenous zones (explore the wands & massagers collection).

1.2. What sex toys should not be

• A forced replacement of your partner or yourself.
• An obligation to “live up to expectations” or “do things like in the movies”.
• A way to hurt you or force you to do something you don't feel like doing.

A sex toy remains a tool to enhance your pleasure . It should adapt to you, not the other way around. If you want to explore these expectations more broadly, you can delve deeper into “Sexuality and Society: Modern Trends and Taboos” .

2. How to choose your sex toy: beginners & experienced users

Before we talk about how to use it, let's talk about choosing the right one. An unsuitable sex toy can be discouraging, while a model that matches your comfort level can make all the difference. To help you, you can also consult our detailed guide on choosing a sex toy .

2.1. If you're a beginner

You can choose to prioritize:

• a compact format , easy to hold (see our selection of first sex toys & essentials );
• external stimulation (external vibrator, small stimulator, as in stimulators );
• a simple design (few buttons, few modes, not too impressive shape).

Ask yourself:

• Would I prefer to start with something that massages the outside of the body?
• Does the object make me feel visually comfortable? (Very important.)

2.2. If you are already comfortable

You can explore:

• more specific forms (targeted areas, internal + external stimulation);
• sex toys with multiple modes, intensities and textures;
• Accessories designed for couples (rings, hands-free stimulators, etc., to be found in couples sex toys or couples gift sets ).

If you also want to get inspired by the major current trends, you can take a look at “Exclusive ranking: the sex toy trends of the year” .

2.3. Materials & Feels

For safe use, choose non-porous, high-quality materials:

• high-quality silicone (soft, pleasant, often a bit like "peach skin");
• ABS (smooth hard plastic);
• possibly glass or steel for some firmer sensations, if you are comfortable with that.

Avoid items where the materials aren't specified or where vague descriptions like "gel material" are used without further details. To extend the life of your toys, you can use dedicated cleaning products from the sex toy care and maintenance collection.

3. Before turning it on: the basics for using a sex toy

Even a very simple sex toy benefits from a little preparation. It makes all the difference in terms of comfort, pleasure… and gentleness towards your body.

3.1. Hygiene & Safety

• Clean your sex toy before and after each use (warm water + mild soap, or suitable cleaner, such as those in the sex toy care & maintenance collection).
• Check whether the item is designed to be waterproof or only “splash-proof” before putting it under water.
• For anal use, always choose sex toys with a flared base and be careful not to move them to other areas afterwards without cleaning.

3.2. Lubricant: your best ally

Lubricant can make the difference between "meh" and "pleasant":

• With silicone sex toys: use a water-based lubricant to avoid damaging the surface.
• Apply it to the sex toy and/or the affected area of ​​the body, especially for internal or more sensitive areas.
• Don't hesitate to add more along the way if it starts to rub too much.

You can find different types of lubricants and sensual oils in the massage oils & candles category and the other “care & pleasure” subcategories.

3.3. Intensity & Progression

Whether you're a beginner or an experienced user:

• Always start at the lowest level : your body needs time to get used to the sensations.
• Test the power on your hand or forearm before putting it on a more sensitive area.
• Increase the intensity gradually , while remaining attentive to your sensations.

4. Create a gentle atmosphere around sex toys

A sex toy is never “just an object.” It comes with your history, your beliefs, and any inhibitions you might have. Creating a gentle atmosphere around its use is essential for a positive experience. To nurture this aspect, you can find inspiration in “Sensual Product Ideas for Special Occasions.”

4.1. With yourself

If you use a sex toy solo:

• Choose a time when you won't be disturbed, when you can relax a little.
• Breathe, take a few minutes to connect with your body (stretch, lie down, cover yourself with a soft blanket…).
• Allow yourself to explore without an objective : you don't have to have an orgasm, you can just see what it feels like.

For more ideas about solo pleasure, you can explore the solo pleasure collection.

4.2. As a couple

If you introduce a sex toy into the relationship:

• Speak of them as an ally , not a replacement: " I'd like us to try this together, to vary the sensations ."
• Explain what it brings you: curiosity, a desire to play, a need to better understand your body…
• Set up a simple rule: everyone has the right to say yes, no, not now , without pressure.

You can also find fun ideas in the article “Naughty games: creative ideas to spice up your evenings” and in the couples sex toy collections and sets for two .

4.3. Managing embarrassment and shyness

You can put it very simply:

• " I feel a bit silly with this thing, but I want to try it ."
• " I'm not really sure how to go about it, can we try it together? "
• " If anything makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay? "

Naming the discomfort often makes it less embarrassing. To explore these topics further, you can consult our guide on uninhibited sexuality .

5. Using sex toys alone & as a couple

Once the framework is in place, you can explore sex toys as a playground , at your own pace.

5.1. On your own: taming your pleasure

Some ideas for beginners and experienced users:

• Start with less sensitive areas : thighs, stomach, chest, before approaching your genitals.
• Try different intensities and modes, observing what feels good and what is too much.
• Go slowly: you can alternate between using your hands and the sex toy, so as not to be overwhelmed by the sensations.
• If you are experienced, play on the rhythm (pauses, variations) rather than just the power.

If you're lacking inspiration, you can also read "Sexual Practices: How to Gently Explore New Sensations?" which offers a step-by-step approach.

5.2. For couples: a “neutral” guest in the room

Sex toys can:

• to prolong foreplay : massage, caresses, exploration of new areas;
• can be used during penetration, on external areas (vulva, clitoris, perineum…) to add stimulation;
• create playful scenarios: one holds the sex toy, the other guides, comments, asks "harder", "softer", "there".

The idea is to see sex toys as a shared tool , not as one person's toy or proof that the other person "isn't enough." To choose models suitable for two people, you can explore the couples' sex toy category .

5.3. Respect everyone's pace

In some couples, one person is very curious, the other less so. You can:

• To suggest, without imposing: " Would you like to try it once, and see? "
• start by using it on neutral areas (back, shoulders) to reassure;
• plan a clear “code” to stop or change zones without discomfort.

6. A bit of psychology: taboos, shame & freedom

Around sex toys, there are often layers of beliefs that don't originate from you, but from what you've heard, seen, and internalized. This is also discussed in "Sexuality and Society: Modern Trends and Taboos" .

6.1. Common misconceptions

• “ If I use a sex toy, it means I’m ‘too’ or ‘not normal’ .”
• " If I enjoy it, I'll end up not being able to tolerate 'real' contact anymore ."
• " My partner will feel replaced ."

In reality, many people use sex toys, alone or with a partner, without it detracting from the quality of their relationship. They are additional tools , not value judgments.

6.2. Inner Dialogue & Kindness

Observe how you talk to yourself when you think about sex toys or when you use them:

• Do you judge yourself? ("That's ridiculous," "I'm useless"...)
• Or can you tell yourself: " I discover, I learn, I have the right to be curious "?

Slightly changing the way you talk to yourself can make the discovery process much more enjoyable. To help you with this, you can also refer to the tips in our guide on uninhibited sexuality .

6.3. Respect your limits

Being comfortable with sex toys doesn't mean accepting or trying everything. You can:

• liking certain types of sex toys and not others;
• to be curious today and tired tomorrow;
• Say stop at any time, even if you were the one who initially suggested it.

Freedom is also the freedom to say "no", "not like that", "not now".

7. Common mistakes & a mini-method to get you started

7.1. Common mistakes to avoid

• Starting too strong : maximum level directly, on a very sensitive area, without foreplay or lubricant.
• Ignoring the instructions : not checking the seal, cleaning or lubricant recommendations.
• Making fun of oneself (or others) during use: humor can be great, but putting oneself down takes away from the fun.
• Using a damaged sex toy (cracked, sticky, smelly): it's better to get rid of it to protect your body.
• Forcing yourself "to please others" : if you're not comfortable, it will show. It's better to wait for a more opportune moment.

7.2. A 4-step mini-method for getting to grips with sex toys

You can follow this simple diagram, whether you are a beginner or an experienced user who wants to go a little further:

1. 1. Clarify your intention
   Ask yourself: " What would I like to explore with this sex toy? " (more gentleness, more curiosity, getting to know my body better, spicing up the relationship, etc.)
2. 2. Create a gentle environment
   Choose a time when you feel safe enough, calm, with your lubricant within reach, and without time pressure.
3. 3. Explore gradually
   Start with less sensitive areas, low intensities, allowing yourself the right to stop, take a break, and start again another day.
4. 4. Take stock
   After using it, ask yourself: " What did I like? What made me uncomfortable? What would I like to try differently next time? "

What matters isn't "successfully" using a sex toy, but listening to your body and adjusting accordingly . And if you need inspiration for choosing, you can browse our best-selling sex toys or our budget-friendly selections .

FAQ: Sex toys, beginners & experienced users

Is it “too much” to use a sex toy if I'm already in a relationship?

No. A sex toy isn't a sign of lack, but an additional tool. You can use it alone to get to know your body better, or with a partner to vary the sensations. The important thing is to talk about it respectfully and make sure everyone is comfortable with the idea. To foster intimacy, you can also get inspiration from our ideas for playful games .

I've never used a sex toy before, where do I start?

You can start with a small, simple external vibrator with few modes. Take the time to test it on your hand, then on less sensitive areas, and see how your body reacts. You don't need to jump straight into highly sophisticated devices. Our "First Sex Toys & Essentials" category can also help you make your choice.

Can sex toys "damage" sensitivity?

Used sensibly (varying the intensity, taking breaks, respecting your body), sex toys don't "break"